About constructive confrontation

Talk to the Right Person (who is capable of making the decision on the matter)
Timely, i.e. immediately after noticing the matter of discussion.
1. Avoid the ‘attacking the past’, focus on the future, on reaching the future when the issue is solved.
2. The leading question is ‘What can we do now?’
3. How to do so it doesn’t happen again.
Data and facts support
1. It helps to avoid interpretations
2. The leading question: “What is it expressed in?”
Focus on the issue, not on the personality or judgement. (similar to core differences in feedback types, see About feedback).

Examples of unconstructive confrontation:

“Why haven’t you deployed a new version of the product to a production environment?” (the question doesn’t have any good answer, and what’s worse, ruins trust putting the direct report in defensive position) - failing on the principle #4 - focus on the issue, not the person.
“I knew you will not make it to the production”? (immediate idea of anyone hearing this: If you knew, why would not you come earlier?) - failing on the ‘Timely’ principle.

Step by step guidance

Preparation
1. What is a problem?
  1. How does it impact the work?
  2. If not addressed, what might happen in future?
2. What is the goal?
  1. What will be in the end?
  2. Don’t mix the goal and solutions popping up in your mind.
3. The view from an opponent’s side
  1. positive intention (Milton-ericson)
  2. best available option
  3. detect the trigger that changed the behaviour
  4. 4 reasons on why people don’t do the expected.
Communication step
1. find the point of agreement
Come up with a solution to the issue
1. consider options from different parties
2. fix the agreement
Control of the agreement